Letting Go of Sacrifice

Today, I did a phone session with a woman from Europe. “Heidi” told me that she would love to be in relationship with a man. It had been 10 years since she had been in relationship. Heidi said that she must be ambivalent about being with a partner. She realized that part of her would rather be alone, and another part of her really would love to be in relationship.

Heidi recognized that the possibility does exist that there could be a man out there that would meet her criteria, but that the probability is low. Now that she is older, in her late sixties, there aren’t as many men available.

We examined what is the payoff for being single, and she told me that she could do what she wants whenever she wants. She doesn’t have to ask anyone about what she is going to do with a question like, “does that suit you, dear?”

Heidi feels that she is willing to pay the price to be in relationship. She feels lonely and doesn’t have someone to share her daily life. However, she was afraid of being dependent.
We looked at the relationship that she had with “James” 10 years ago, and she realized that she had lost her identity and had become the sacrificing wife. One of her stories was that she was supposed to be a really good wife, and that she was responsible for the man’s happiness. She was supposed to cook a nice meal, and get his clothes in order. Part of her felt good about being a good wife, and another part (her Inner Teenager) felt rebellious about being his maid, and not being equal. She realized that she liked being a caretaker, but didn’t like it when she wasn’t appreciated. Heidi felt like she had some bitterness towards James and that she did a lot of sacrificing. The intensity of her feelings of sacrificing with James was a 7/10.

I asked her if James was just a trigger for her unresolved feelings of sacrificing. She shared that her mother had gotten pregnant on her honeymoon. Heidi was born a small baby and felt unwanted in the womb. She felt that her sacrificing began in the womb. Her core wound was that everyone else's needs are more important than her own survival. I must sacrifice for others became a lifelong mantra.
The intensity that she felt about sacrificing in the womb was a 9, where the intensity of her experience of sacrificing for James 10 years ago was a 7. The experience with James was a trigger, so I had her tap on her in the womb experience of sacrificing. I asked her to come up with a reminder phrase that would make her laugh at the cosmic joke and make a crack in the cosmic egg. Her reminder phrase was “bunch of baloney”.

After one round using the reminder phrase “bunch of baloney”, we were able to collapse the intensity to a zero. Heidi said that it was totally gone. We were able to do all of this, in less than an hour. She then told me she hopes to invite me to her wedding in the future.

Here was her testimonial that she wrote for the internet:
I found JoAnn 'by chance' on the Emofree.com and booked three sessions with her. What an absolutely wonderful experience. JoAnn helped me find the deepest layers of my issues - and I find her use of combining the various feelings around an issue into one word, representing them all in a word a two, as the essence - and also seeing it as a 'cosmic joke' absolutely brilliant. I went from a 10, with an issue that started even prenatally, to a flat 0 within a few minutes!! the thorough finding phase clearly helped, too.

I also recommend her without hesitation, nay, whole heartedly.

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