Friday, July 24, 2009
“Tina,” a petite woman in her early 60s, is community college counselor. Tina wanted to feel more confident speaking Spanish. She told me that, from birth, she grew up hearing Spanish. She was very close with both of her grandmothers who only spoke Spanish with her. When Tina was less than two years old, her parents decided they would only speak English with her. They thought it would make life easier for her in Los Angeles if they stopped speaking Spanish to her.
Even though Tina had taken lots of Spanish classes in school, and had counseling on her Spanish language issues, she still felt as though there was something blocking her from speaking more fluent Spanish.
I decided to use Lindsay Kinney’s Ultimate Truth Statement (UTS) process, in which I had Tina come up with a concise statement in the present tense describing how she would feel when she reached her goal. Her Ultimate Truth Statement was, “I feel empowered and confident when I speak the language of my heart and soul.”, The rating system for the UTS process is a complete reversal from EFT. 0 represents-“no way in hell” and 10 equals “yes!” Tina rated her UTS at a “5.”
We then looked for whatever was in the way of her experiencing her Ultimate Truth Statement. She shared with me stories about her Uncle Jorge, who was like Archie Bunker. He teased Tina unmercifully from birth until she was in college. Whenever she spoke in Spanish, he would make fun of her. He tried to convince her that she was adopted. I asked her to imagine her life with her uncle as a TV sitcom, and to come up with a title that would make her laugh. The title was, “El Cabronsito con dos Lenguas”—just coming up with the title made her crack up and we decided to use this for a reminder phrase.
We went back to her Ultimate Truth Statement, because I felt she had shifted her energy. It went from a 5 to a 7, and we hadn’t tapped yet. So, she was already feeling stronger about her positive phrase.
Then I had her focus on her Uncle Jorge. I asked her to think about why he would have picked on her. She related that he was a very short man, and he had probably been picked on himself. When I asked what the intensity (EFT rating) felt like for how he had treated her, it was only a two. She had begun to feel compassion for him. I had her tap, and while tapping I included phrases for psychological reversals that included how weird EFT was; how there was a part of her that wasn’t quite ready to give up her story; and forgiving that part of her that “believed” her Uncle Jorge for all of those years. I also included Dr. Carrington’s method of arguing with herself: “I choose to let this go; no, I don’t; yes, I do.”
After two rounds of tapping and I asked Tina what the intensity level when she thought about her uncle. It had dropped almost to a zero. There was a tiny bit of resistance left, and she asked, “Can I really do it?” I asked where the resistance was and she said in her throat. Softly, I asked, “If the resistance in your throat could speak, what would it say?” She replied, “I’m afraid to make mistakes.”
We went back to her Ultimate Truth Statement, and I asked her to read it and rate it. Though it was now a 9.8, she still felt a tiny bit of resistance.
Then I asked who in her childhood would have pointed out her mistakes. She immediately replied, “Uncle Jorge’s wife, “Maria,” as she raised up her shoulders. Aunt Maria made fun of everyone in her family, and Tina was terrified of her. She was afraid to speak Spanish in front of her aunt, because she didn’t want her bad-mouth her. I asked about the intensity of the fear and tension that she was feeling when she thought of her aunt. It was between a three and four. We did two rounds of tapping on the fear she felt about her aunt, and how Tina had still been carrying around her aunt and uncle’s voices in her head, even though they were long dead. The intensity dropped to a zero and the whole thing felt humorous to her.
I asked her to read her Ultimate Truth Statement, and to tell me what the intensity was now. It was a 10. I then asked her to write and say it in Spanish, which she did with confident joy. She shared that she felt that something major had shifted within herself about her Spanish issue. She wasn’t feeling afraid of making a mistake anymore.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
"Martha" is the same person I worked with over 3 months ago and helped her clear her mother issues. The other day we worked on clearing her stuff that keeps the perfect guy away from her.
We spent an hour tapping away old stories and beliefs about men. I also used Lindsay Kinney's "Ultimate Truth Statement" which is incredibly powerful. With the UTS, you make a compact statement of what you want. You state it in the present tense and you include words about how you will feel when you get what you want, but you say it in the present tense.
You say your UTS and see what the intensity of it is in this moment. The rating system is the opposite of what we use with EFT. A 10 would mean that it feels really true. A zero means that it feels absolutely impossible. If your intensity with the UTS is less than a 10. you work on letting go of the beliefs, stories and experiences that get in the way of you vibrationally experiencing what you want in your life.
Then you you EFT to clear the resistance to what you want.
Marth's UTS was:
I am happily in relationship with a man in my area. Our relationship is based on mutual respect and love . We have lots of fun playing together.
We cleared all of the stuff that came up, such as:
- I had crappy programming when I was a child
- My mother said "I should never get married"
- I'm a runner
- I'm afraid of being left and made to feel stupid
- I'm never good enough
- There isn't a good guy in my town
- Fear of not being accepted
- Not feeling safe
We cleared everything that came up. The anxiety that she had been feeling in her stomach disappeared. She could say her UTS with absolute conviction.
I am happily in relationship with a man in my area. Our relationship is based on mutual respect and love . We have lots of fun playing together.
I suggested that she tape it on her mirror so she could see it.
I'd also like to say, that Martha is on disability, and I have not met her face-to-face. We did this work over the phone. I don't even have a clue as to what she looks like. The truth is, it doesn't matter.
At the end of our hour together, she told me that EFT is her cup of tea, and that I am her teapot. She thought that was kind of funny because she doesn't drink tea... I felt honored that she trusts me so much.
I got an email from Martha today. Here is the essence of what she said to me:
wow, here we are again, I may have met the neat man that I can play with, he lives here in xxxxxx and is into all the way out spiritual stuff that I have a strong interest in, he has been on the internet and we have winked at each other for more than a year, and he finally gave me a way to contact him and I got gutsy and did, we talked for 5 hours last night.....he is what I like in the way of looks, a nice bad boy type that has learned, his life has followed similiar ways as mine.....will keep you posted you miracle worker... I did a back up treatment to take place with "cindy" on monday and I do not need it now.......and there are a few more men writing to me in this direct area.....one in xxxx which I love that valley???? thank you....."martha"
A woman called me this morning, her voice sounding vaguely familiar. It turns out that I had worked with “Martha,” a middle-aged woman with diabetes, about pain she was having with her hip replacement. It had been over three months since we did that phone session. Martha explained that I had helped her to clear her "mother issues" in the span of a single one-hour session. She told me that she had spent years working with a number of therapists trying to release her "charge" around her mother, and that I was the one who had finally been able to help her.
As a very empathetic woman, Martha took on pain from the people around her. I asked her, “Who was a thorn in your butt?”
She immediately blurted out, “My mother!”
Knowing that the left side of the body represents the feminine, I found it interesting that Martha carried more pain there. As many of you know, the first female relationship in most of our lives is almost always with our mother. Martha believed that all of her problems stemmed from her mother, a perfectionist who wanted Martha to be petite. As a child, Martha did not feel emotionally supported or accepted by her mother. Martha rebelled against her mother’s plans for her, and had become a large woman. Martha felt her mother’s mantra was, “Let's make Martha feel like sh*t.”
As we talked about how her mother had treated her, Martha's felt upset in her stomach. The anxiety and tenseness that she felt was at a 9-10 out of 10. She said she felt like she wanted to puke.
I asked Martha to recall an early traumatic event with her mother. She remembered something that happened when she was four or five years old. We did several rounds of tapping on that particular event and how Martha felt right in that moment about what her mother had said.
My style is to try to find the humor in the situation. One of the reminder phrases was, “Mom is a thorn in my butt.” It worked = Martha cracked up! When she thought back to what her mother had done it became laughable, and the intensity dropped to between one and two. After two more rounds of tapping the intensity totally disappeared. When Martha thought about what her mother had done 50 years ago, the charge was gone! Her stomach no longer felt upset, anxious or tense. Even the pain in the left side of her body had disappeared.
Martha had called to let me know that her mother issue was really healed. She was still amazed that the work we had done over three months ago was still holding for her. She wanted to make an appointment for the next big issue in her life – she now wants to clear her beliefs, stories and emotional charges related to traumatic events that have resulted in her pushing men away. To prepare for the session, I told her to list negative events that are related to her not having a man in her life, and to be sure to go back as far she can remember.
I'm looking forward to working with Martha and clearing whatever is in the way of her allowing a man into her life!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Here's some setup phrases that you can try, Even though:
- I know exercising is good for me, a part of me just doesn't want to do it, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself - even the lazy part.I know my body needs exercise, but I hate exercising ... and I deeply and completely love and accept myself
- I don't have enough time to exercise … and I deeply and completely love and accept myselfI don't know when I would fit exercising in …
- there's so many other things I would rather do than exercise …
- exercise seems like a waste of time …
- (Be sure to include all of your excuses and reasons why you haven't exercised)
Before you start tapping, remember to check the intensity of how much you do not want to exercise - with 10 being highest and zero for no resistance at all.
A reminder phrase helps you focus on your issue. “Exercise resistance,” and “hate to exercise,” are examples of simple reminder phrases. If you can come up with a reminder phrase that makes you chuckle, so much the better (I find humor to be incredibly powerful). Amusing reminder phrases are very particular to the individual, so what works for one person may not work for another. Some examples of funny reminder phrases could be ”lazy butt” or “couch potato.” Use the reminder phrase when you tap. Typically, you tap around seven times on each point.
When your intensity gets down to around three, you can start affirming the positive. Some examples:
- I choose to fit exercise into my life
- I choose to be aware of ways that I can be more energetic
- I choose to use my body more often
- I have fun using my body
- I experience joy using my body
- It's easy and fun for me to move my body
- I find creative ways to infuse movement into my life
- I love using my body
- Be more aware when you move your body
- Park farther away and walk more
- Do housework vigorously
- Choose to put the remote control down and get your body up and about more often
- Put a spring in your step
- Walk with more vigorDo yard work
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Heidi recognized that the possibility does exist that there could be a man out there that would meet her criteria, but that the probability is low. Now that she is older, in her late sixties, there aren’t as many men available.
We examined what is the payoff for being single, and she told me that she could do what she wants whenever she wants. She doesn’t have to ask anyone about what she is going to do with a question like, “does that suit you, dear?”
Heidi feels that she is willing to pay the price to be in relationship. She feels lonely and doesn’t have someone to share her daily life. However, she was afraid of being dependent.
We looked at the relationship that she had with “James” 10 years ago, and she realized that she had lost her identity and had become the sacrificing wife. One of her stories was that she was supposed to be a really good wife, and that she was responsible for the man’s happiness. She was supposed to cook a nice meal, and get his clothes in order. Part of her felt good about being a good wife, and another part (her Inner Teenager) felt rebellious about being his maid, and not being equal. She realized that she liked being a caretaker, but didn’t like it when she wasn’t appreciated. Heidi felt like she had some bitterness towards James and that she did a lot of sacrificing. The intensity of her feelings of sacrificing with James was a 7/10.
I asked her if James was just a trigger for her unresolved feelings of sacrificing. She shared that her mother had gotten pregnant on her honeymoon. Heidi was born a small baby and felt unwanted in the womb. She felt that her sacrificing began in the womb. Her core wound was that everyone else's needs are more important than her own survival. I must sacrifice for others became a lifelong mantra.
The intensity that she felt about sacrificing in the womb was a 9, where the intensity of her experience of sacrificing for James 10 years ago was a 7. The experience with James was a trigger, so I had her tap on her in the womb experience of sacrificing. I asked her to come up with a reminder phrase that would make her laugh at the cosmic joke and make a crack in the cosmic egg. Her reminder phrase was “bunch of baloney”.
After one round using the reminder phrase “bunch of baloney”, we were able to collapse the intensity to a zero. Heidi said that it was totally gone. We were able to do all of this, in less than an hour. She then told me she hopes to invite me to her wedding in the future.
Here was her testimonial that she wrote for the internet:
I found JoAnn 'by chance' on the Emofree.com and booked three sessions with her. What an absolutely wonderful experience. JoAnn helped me find the deepest layers of my issues - and I find her use of combining the various feelings around an issue into one word, representing them all in a word a two, as the essence - and also seeing it as a 'cosmic joke' absolutely brilliant. I went from a 10, with an issue that started even prenatally, to a flat 0 within a few minutes!! the thorough finding phase clearly helped, too.
I also recommend her without hesitation, nay, whole heartedly.
By the way, if you would like to follow me go to: http://Twitter.com/MiraclesGoddess
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Almost every Thursday, I take my three-year-old granddaughter to a toddler’s swimming class. The first thing I noticed when we got to the pool was that “Jenny”, the swimming instructor, was not in the pool like she usually was. She was standing out of the pool and she wasn’t wearing her swimming suit, which was really unusual. I've been taking my granddaughter to these classes for 2 1/2 years, and I have only seen Jenny not in the pool one other time (when she had a bad cold).
Jenny had fallen down five days ago hurting her tailbone and her left hand. She had taken some pain medication earlier in the day. I told her that I thought I could help her to feel better, and if she would like to try some EFT with me, after my granddaughter and I got out of the locker room.
We met Jenny in an activity room of the health club. Jenny wasn’t able to sit down because of her tailbone pain. So, we chatted while standing not paying much attention to the kids climbing under the tables and hopping about as 2 and 3 year olds do.
Jenny explained that the physical pain level right then was only about a 4/10. However, as she explained that she had fallen from a chair, and that her partner didn’t hear her calls, I could see how upset she was about how he treated her. She felt abandoned when he didn’t come, and upset that he scolded her like a child (she is almost 70 years old) when he found out that she had fallen off a chair while trying to reach something. She wanted to feel love from him instead of him acting like a “mean father”.
We tapped on the feelings that came up: anger, frustration, and resentment towards her husband. She asked for so little in life, and she was angry (the intensity was an 8) that he wasn’t able to give her empathy when she asked for it. I could see tears well up in the corners of her eyes, and we kept tapping to get it all out. When the intensity dropped to what I felt was around a 5 I had her argue with herself while tapping, and then affirm positive statements:
.....I want to let this go because this is no longer serving me
.....No, I don’t, I want to mad at him some more
.....Yes, I do want to let this go
.....No, I am not quite sure if I am ready to let this go
.....I choose to let all of this go
.....I am able to go to the calm place that is always within me
.....I am whole and complete
.....I experience the love that is always deep within me
.....I feel relaxed and calm
.....I am in balance
We had chatted and tapped for about 25 minutes oblivious to the kids running around us. She had never heard of EFT before our encounter and tapping. She sat down at the table. She hadn’t been able to sit down for days, and she did it with ease. We cleared the emotional pain, and to her surprise the ache that she had felt where she had fallen on her tailbone was gone.
A small miracle happened today in Ukiah. For Jenny, it wasn’t that small.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
This is in response to a mother of a 14 day old colicky baby. http://tiny.cc/BJojF
Babies are really sensitive beings. they pick up on everyone's vibrations around them.
If moms have tried the football hold; tried burping; and the other suggestions. You may want to try Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
I would start by tapping on how I am feeling about my baby crying. You want to get to your deepest feelings--and the negative things you say in your head.
You figure out the intensity of your own feelings and rate it with 10 being the highest.
Then you create a set-up phrase, for example,
....."Even though I have done everything I can think of, and my baby is still crying. I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
You tap the Karate chop point on the side of your hand while saying this or variations of it 3 times. You want to get down to your deepest feelings about this. It could be something like:
....."Even though I am not sure what to do about my baby crying his head off, and it is driving me crazy, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
.....Or "Even though I don't know if I can take any more crying, and I am at my wits end, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Then you tap on the points of the body--about 7 taps on each point saying your reminder phrase which could be "driving me crazy" or "crying baby". If you can come up with something that makes you laugh, that can move the energy within you.
You can also do surrogate tapping for your baby. While tapping on the Karate Point on the side of the hand say, "Even though I am ______(say the name of the child)".
Then you pretend/act as though you are the child. Then you use your imagination/intuition to guess what is up with your child.
While tapping on your Karate Chop point you could say,
....."Even though I am colicky and I have been crying for hours, I am an awesome baby, and my mommy loves me".
....."Even though I may have an air bubble or something else may be going on, I am an awesome baby."
....."Even though I am crying, and I can't tell my mom what is going on with words, I am an awesome baby."
.....Note: if you have a sense of what the problem is change the words.
Then you tap on the points on your body saying a reminder phrase like: "tummy ache" or "colicky pain" or "tired and wired".
Here is a chart of the points that I use to tap on.
Hope this helps,
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